Healing our families in an industrialized society through parental education and natural education

"You must be the change you want to see in the world" -Mahatma Gandhi

Our culture has moved far away from nature's way so that we can become parents and take care of our children. Unfortunately, for many centuries, as the world has industrialized considerably, people have lost contact with their natural parental instincts. Each generation is raised in a way that causes anguish, pain, depression and anger. This in turn causes each new generation to transmit harmful forms of parenting that reflect their pain, anguish and resentment.

Nature alarms

Nature has incorporated alarm signals into each animal to alert parents, partners and predators that the animal is experiencing or feeling a need, a threat or a danger. In nature, animal parents immediately respond instinctively to the alarms of their young. The alarm signal of a human baby is crying, with the intention of alerting parents of a need. As children grow older, their alarm signals become more sophisticated when their needs are not met and often include behaviors that parents find disturbing.

Some of the children's alarms:

Directly telling us that they have a need

Asking us to help them meet a need.

Kindly asking

Asking rudely

Crying

Whine

Screaming

Screaming

Rapture

Pouting

Tantrum

Oath

Withdrawing

Sticky

Defensiveness

Sarcasm

Hyperactivity

Depression

Anxiety

Furious

Distraction

Restlessness

Twisting

Opposition

Bullying

Challenge

Decline

Disrespect

Threatening

Aggression and violence towards people and animals (verbal, physical, sexual)

Destructivity (vandalism, breaking things, stealing, etc.)

· Self-destruction (self-mutilation, substance use, sexual promiscuity, bad relationships, suicidal gestures, etc.)

Challenging

Passive compliance

The cries of anguish and behaviors of young people, such as the cries of a baby and the behavioral signs of animals, are alarm signals based on nature. Their alarm signals warn us that something in the child's body, immediate circumstances, life or the environment worries them physically or emotionally and threatens to damage their optimal development.

When we fully understand that worrying behaviors are the natural alarm signals of children, we will be less likely to, in good conscience, punish, medicate or force children to comply with distressing and unnatural circumstances. We will begin to realize more and more as we look at our society, that from the hyperactive child to the furious 17-year-old, punishment, strength, bribes, manipulation and medication do not make distressed children happy. , cooperative or compassionate; nor do these reactions fill the gaps and satisfy the needs that children try to alert us with their alarm signals.

The recipe for a happy child: Ensure attachment between parents and children by meeting the needs of our children

Children of all ages require a secure attachment between parents and children to thrive. A secure child-father attachment is vital for the optimal functioning of a child in all areas of its development. It is the model and basis of the physical, emotional, social, intellectual, sexual, spiritual and moral functioning of a child's entire life. It is the model and basis of happiness and the ability of a child's life to cope with life and relationships.

A secure attachment between parents and children develops as a result of parents meeting the basic physical and emotional needs of children, and then the needs of a higher level, from childhood to adulthood. This natural function of parenting is part of the human attachment cycle:

1. The child feels a physical or emotional need;

2. The child expresses the need using a signal such as crying, showing, asking or telling;

3. The parents meet the child's needs as soon as possible;

4. Each time the child's needs are met, the child feels calm, satiated, homeostasis, joy and trust in the parents.

As a result of this uninterrupted cycle, a secure attachment is built and developed.

If parents generally do not meet their children's needs or generally delay doing so, their child will feel anguish, anger, grief, anxiety and mistrust in the parents. Every unmet need is built and developed and an insecure or interrupted attachment develops. When a child suffers an interrupted attachment, emotional and / or behavioral problems may appear immediately or may begin to arise slowly over a period of years.

Parenting and education in the way that nature intended

People in peaceful tribal cultures and non-human mammals are natural models that can teach us how nature proposed us to be parents. In tribal cultures where violence is very low and mental illness is a rarity, it is discovered that people are parents in line with the rest of our closest mammalian relatives. The most critical characteristics of natural upbringing are:

Constant skin-to-skin contact and continuous transport of the baby during the first 12 months of life;

· Breastfeeding for at least two and a half years and optimally, up to four and a half years;

Sleep together with babies and young children;

· Respond to the physical and emotional needs of children throughout childhood;

· High levels of physical affection, emotional connection and caresses during childhood;

Discipline and non-violent and democratic orientation;

Strong family and community relationships

· Solid modeling of the family and community of respectful, compassionate and interdependent behavior (all doing their part for the benefit of the whole);

· Natural education through play, exploration, imitation, self-directed learning, physical activity and being an active part of the community; Y

Allow children the freedom to develop, learn and mature at their own pace.

Many of our mammalian relatives show similar forms of breeding, especially mammals that carry their young or have frequent physical contact with them, such as bonobos, gorillas, elephants and dolphins.

Child development

As children grow through life, they face certain developmental tasks in each phase of their life. A secure attachment between parents and children and natural education helps them solve and complete their development tasks at an optimal level, without being rushed or forced.

School and daycare impair the secure attachment between parents and children

One of the most changing interruptions in the parent-child relationship is when children are placed in kindergartens, preschools and elementary schools. The conditions of traditional schools are often harmful:

To the father-son attachment relationship,

To democracy,

For the natural development of a child,

For intellectual development and creativity,

For the child's body and health,

To social development, and

A To emotional and behavioral stability.

Nursery and preschool separate children from mothers at the age when it is essential for brain development that young children are with their families. Older children, until late adolescence, are often unhappy, bored, frustrated and mentally exhausted at school. They have little time for high energy physical activity, exploration, inventiveness and play that they need for optimal brain development. The task further distances children 's time from their own interests and from family and friends. In addition, many children are negatively influenced by their schoolmates and move away from their parents at younger and younger ages.

But isn't school good for children?

Almost everything about the "one size fits all" environment of the traditional school it is opposite to what nature intended for the development of a child. Some of the reasons why traditional school is detrimental to children's natural development are:

· Traditional schools rely on the control of large groups of people so that everyone does the same;

· The structure and curriculum of the traditional school are not in line with the development or learning needs of children at any age;

· Public schools are cutting the means by which children learn and find joy: games, recreation, art, music, theater, fun events, excursions and practical activities.

· Traditional schools do not take into account that the main form of children's learning is through play and exploration. Schools mainly focus on forcing children to sit and listen.

· Traditional school does not allow children to direct their own learning based on interests, talents, passions and skills;

· The traditional school labels children who cannot settle for "learning problems" or "behavioral problems";

· The traditional school is responsible for thousands of children being prescribed medication for their exuberance, boredom or an inappropriate learning environment for development;

· Regulates traditional school to the basic physical needs of children (food, water, disposal, physical activity and rest) and does not allow children to respond to their own needs;

Almost half of the states in the US UU. still allow teachers to legally assault paddled children in the public school;

· The traditional school isolates children from their families and communities;

Children are forced to do homework after being confined for six hours or more in school;

· The task further isolates children from family time, playtime, social time and time to pursue their own interests;

· Standardized tests are designed to measure how well a child is evaluated and how well they can remember isolated facts. This does not demonstrate the knowledge, intellect, experience, creativity or moral development of a child;

Learning is considered to be "getting the right answer" and not the process of how to ask questions and where to find answers;

· Traditional school does not allow children to have power, which causes children to isolate themselves in exclusive groups or cliques to establish a false sense of power;

· Traditional practices based on school control offer few opportunities for children's wishes, desires, ideas and needs to be expressed, leading some to anger, rebellion and revenge;

· The traditional school does not function as a democracy to prepare children to participate in a democratic society;

· The traditional school is an outdated institution based on the work ethic of the factory in the late 1800s and early 1900s. And

· The traditional school has refused to evolve to meet the creative and intellectual needs of children.

There are many cheerful alternatives to traditional school that often inspire children to reach learning potential and excellence that far outweigh the majority of traditionally schoolmates. The alternatives include:

Non-schooling (curriculum run by children),

Homeschooling,

Democratic schools (which function as democracies),

Montessori Schools,

Waldorf schools,

· Private schools that respect play, outdoor time, children's natural development and joy in learning.

Charter public schools (which focus on the arts and play)

Virtual (online) public or private schools,

Independent study or internships,

Early university

Our daily lives cause emotional and behavioral problems.

Constantly, parents are conditioned to accept and live with so many beliefs, trends, habits, routines and practices that seem harmless but are actually harmful to the natural development of children. These include:

The way children are seen as property and as less human than our culture compared to the way adults are seen;

· The way in which parents and schools teach and model violence, domination and inequality to children by punishing them, speaking disrespectfully, using control tactics with them and dictating what they will do, where they will be, how they should act and what they should do . think about your entire childhood;

Self-centered parents, materialists, academics, obsessed with work, obsessed with sex, obsessed with money, obsessed with the media and who accept violence, value parents and the cultural model for children on how to live ; Y

· The way in which parents are replaced with all kinds of distractions that do not meet the needs of children, such as kindergartens, schools, school sports teams, TV, video games, cell phones, Internet, designer clothes and putting their peers and material objects ahead of the family.

These beliefs, trends and practices also include forcing young people to grow in ways that are not appropriate for their development and not allowing young people to develop and grow naturally.

Childhood trauma and PTSD

Many children in our culture suffer symptoms of trauma and posttraumatic stress disorder due to distressing and frightening treatments, such as physical punishment, and severe abuse and neglect. Trauma affects all areas of a child's development and, in fact, rewires the child's brain, causing emotional problems that can be misdiagnosed. Traumas are believed to be stored in parts of the brain that prevent therapy, maturity, learning and knowledge from healing it, causing symptoms to last for decades. A special type of therapy, called EMDR, can help heal the trauma.

Examples of trauma:

Difficult birth

· The baby stopped screaming in the incubator after birth.

Circumcision

Parents who do not respond to their baby's cries immediately

Sleeping cot

Child left alone at night

Have basic needs ignored or denied

· Physical abuse, even "whipping", "hitting", "paddling" or abruptly handling a child

· Sexual abuse

· Emotional abuse

· Neglect of physical and emotional needs.

Abandonment

Stay in the nursery

Being forced to go to school

Lack of support in annoying situations, injuries, illnesses or other traumas

· Out of home placement (foster care, group home, youth training camp or detention center)

· Loss of father or loved one

Death of the father or loved one

Witness of domestic violence

Witness any type of violence or attack against a person or animal

Peer harassment

Being a victim of racist or derogatory comments about nationality, sex, gender, sexual orientation or one's appearance

Pain or illness

Substance born addicted

Hospitalization

Homelessness

Watch scary, violent or sexualized TV shows, movies, games or websites

Extreme breaks in attachment: foster care, institutional facilities and adoption

Children who have been adopted or living in orphanages, foster homes, institutions and programs have suffered an extreme disruption of attachment and often have serious emotional and behavioral problems as a result. These are the children whose culture has failed us the most, since they are some of the most damaged and hurt people in our societies.

Our children have no brain disorders. culture it's messy!

Most children in our culture who represent their anguish are misdiagnosed with mental illnesses and brain disorders such as ADHD, learning problems, bipolar disorder and oppositional defiant disorder. They are often forced to take powerful drugs that alter the mind once they are diagnosed. However, most of the symptoms that these children are expressing are actually symptoms of an interrupted attachment, an inappropriate developmental educational environment and a post-traumatic stress disorder. Although our culture sees these children as "brain disorder," it is actually our culture That is messy. Diagnosing and medicating children does not cure the Causes of his anguish. The symptoms that children show are actually natural responses to unnatural and intolerable life circumstances !

Attachment repair and trauma healing

It is possible for parents to repair attachment and heal trauma with children of all ages! The basic principles of healing, such as physical affection, empathy and compassion with our children, in addition to getting help for ourselves, are necessary parts to repair attachment and trauma. Other needs include:

Attached paternity;

· Inculcate family principles, self-discipline and responsibility through respectful guidance and solid models;

Learn non-violent forms of emotional expression and communication with children such as the Nonviolent Communication (NVC) model by Marshall Rosenberg or the SALVE formula by Naomi Aldort;

· Find alternatives to traditional schooling, such as non-schooling, home schooling, constitutional schools, Montessori schools, Waldorf schools, early universities or private schools that respect play, children's development and joy in learning;

EMDR treatment to cure trauma;

Neurofeedback to retrain the brain;

Natural attachment therapy to help repair unsafe attachment;

· Holistic and body-centered treatments to heal imbalances (EFT, homeopathy, etc.); Y

Learn about the dangers of diagnosing and medicating children's behavior.

Re-raise children with severe attachment disruption

Even children who have been adopted or those who suffer a severe disruption of attachment or a reactive attachment disorder can heal and grow to become strongly attached to their parents! Parents must make a permanent commitment to their children, ensure a support system for themselves and find an attachment specialist , to begin this very challenging process.

Parents should be willing to give their children re-parenting experiences that meet their children. unmet early development needs , including intense physical affection. Parents must have a strong set of family principles and understand how to use consequences and restitution so as not to punish their children. To help their children develop emotional stability, each family member can learn and practice tools for nonviolent emotional expression. Adoptive parents and parents of children with severe disruption of attachment should expect severe test behaviors and relapse cycles as children grow to increasingly deeper levels of attachment.

Healing our culture now

Our culture is the collective entity of the beliefs and actions of generations of human beings, including us, that have separated from the natural forms of life and upbringing. Our culture is really mentally ill and "brain" messy! However, a giant bottle of Adderoll, Celexa or Risperdol is not what our culture needs …

Our culture is saturated with violence and anger, which leads to disrespect for other human beings, disrespect for other living creatures and disrespect for our own natural environment. Our culture is consumed by shame about sexuality and the human body, which leads to rigid and rigid prohibitions on sexuality, on the one hand, and an implacable obsession and teenage mockery on the other. Each generation transmits this disease of violence, shame and anger to the next generation, creating materialism, self-obsession, obsession with money, obsession with work, academic obsession, obsession with substances, obsession with the media and obsession with war. . More programs, prisons, schools, standards, medications, laws and punishments will be do not for. We must start raising human beings to think and feel differently.

In order for our culture to heal, parents, professionals and legislators must prioritize the healing of our children and young adults instead of labeling, punishing, medicating, confining and imprisoning them. As citizens, we all have a responsibility to participate in the requirement that mental health professionals, social workers, doctors, scientists, human services agencies of our state and our state legislators prioritize:

1. Meet the needs of all children now ;

2. Heal the damage already done to children; Y

3. Help and advise young adults with a history of trauma to prevent damage to the next generation.

"You may never know what results come from your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result" -Mahatma Gandhi

To explore in more detail parenting, natural education and natural ways to heal our children's emotional, behavioral and learning challenges, visit http://www.LaurieACouture.org for more information about my book. , Instead of medicating and punishing .

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